somebody or nobody

我是一个很认真的人。

中学的华文老师说过,我是一个很认真的学生。和朋友的朋友去唱K,他们说我唱歌很认真。对感情,对朋友,我也是非常的认真。有时候,就是太过认真,所以被伤害。

很久没驻唱了,当我有机会再次踏上舞台,我很兴奋地把这个消息告诉身边一些好朋友。我希望他们得空的话可以过来支持一下,就算是他们不能来也没关系,我最想的其实是把我的喜悦和一些我认为值得的朋友分享。

虽然我邀的朋友都没来,然而大家都有为我打气。有一位朋友说,她很抱歉因为她人在槟城,如果能来的话她一定会当场为我加油。接到这些短讯,觉得很温暖。还有一些短讯,在星期六那天收到,虽然他们没能过来,可是我仍然很感激他们还记得这一件事。

有一位朋友,当我之前问他要不要过来听时,他说得空的话一定会来。之后,他又答应说应该可以来。当时,我很感激,觉得很庆幸有一个很好的朋友。到了那天,却接到他的短讯说他忙,不能过来,希望我有美好的一天。OK,忙不打紧的,有心就好。

我是很热心、很有诚意地去邀请这些朋友的。对我来说,这些人都是我的somebody,我才会想要和他们分享。然而,到后来却被我发现,那个“忙”的短讯只是一种掩饰,掩饰他不能来的真正原因。

当我从第二个人的口中知道他回了家乡,那天根本不在KL时,我很讶异地看着他。大家都知道,他突然决定回家是为了谁。我突然觉得自己是个傻子!他大可告诉我说他在家乡,或者一句他不在KL不能来,我都明白的。可是,他那一句“忙”,很显然地是在欺骗我。

朋友说,有时候,一个谎言可能是为了要减少伤害,可是往往有时会造成更大的伤害。是的,我承认这个伤害对我来说是很大!

他是我的前度。

当我们的爱情变成零重量时,我以为我们的友情是超重量,至少我是这么以为。可是,我偏偏却被这一份我以为是很重的友情伤害了。

“Since now both of you are normal friends,you can’t expect him more.”朋友说。

Expect?我以为很高的才算得上是期望。忠诚坦白,我以为是交朋友的基本条件。

如果你以为我是因为前度为了别的女生而答应了我的话反悔,惹得我伤心难过的话,你根本不认识我。那个她我也有邀请,因为她也是一位我很想和她分享的好朋友。

我难过,不是因为邀请被拒绝,而是因为被一个虚假的理由而拒绝。一个我用心去交的朋友,我没想过他会对我撒谎。

也许他的“I am busy”包括了他人不在吉隆坡的意思,我不知道。在我的感觉、我的诠释里,那一句busy是一个刻意的隐瞒,重重地打在我的心上。我不管他的用意是什么,他的确是伤害了我。

以前我对另一位家乡朋友的话也是很在意,搞得自己很难过。一个傻乎乎的女生却对我说,你那么在乎干嘛?他们只是出来吃吃饭,消磨时间的朋友而已!

这句话真绝!我没想过那么绝的话可以出自她口中。

如果我把这些朋友当作只是出来吃吃饭、消磨时间的朋友而已,这一次我就不会受伤。我想,是时候要调整我交朋友的方针了。谁可以是somebody,谁只能是nobody,必须好好地想一想。

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2 Responses to somebody or nobody

  1. WW says:

    So sorry for that. I\’m a secretive guy and not good in communicating (my word tends to misleading ppl :P). Hope you dun mind next time.

  2. Kaw says:

    Friend, Life is like that, personal feeling and view always different one another..u must take it easy. We are still unlimited learning in human relationship along our life. Just like your case, now you are sad, but sometimes later when u cool down and think back, may be that\’s not so serious and you forgive and forget, then you\’ll more happy. A lot of problems raise up around us is because of person variation of perception and view ….thats why human thinking and relationship was so so so complicated. Last time i use to be as you, when friends go out secretly didn\’t ask me to join and i know later on, i feel upset, cry at home because they purposely hide from me, seems like cheat me or not respect me….but sometimes later in another event, they do ask me to join but not ask another….so i think….may be this event is more suitable for me and not him/her…when u think like this every time, you feel better. Now, every times  when i face the situation as you face like this, of course i also feel upset at the beginning, but i won\’t sound out to the person or others 1st, I\’ll go home to think about what happen again, i hope i can learn up to the level of \’happy to forgive people\’…so that i will happy always.. but i still have a long way to learn, let\’s learn together!!!   Ha Ha….

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